Translation prompt--great classroom idea

During one of our sessions, Cat gave us  "translation prompt." Basically, she gave us several poems that were written in other languages. Based on the appearance of the words, as well as syllabication patterns, the idea is to write an English "translation." The activity was incredibly challenging for me, but I think it would work well for students. I kept trying to match up words closely and was getting frustrated. I think students would, however, be very open to this kind of writing activity.

These are some of the poems that Cat gave us.

I attempted to "translate" the top poem and came up with these lines:

Asking for happiness
May be dangerous
Now, giving of amulets   (that's the line where I gave up b/c my poem turned wacko)

I tried translating the same poem a second time and had a little more success.

Asking for happiness
is my daring act.
I'm not going to understand
your death or missing you.
Now that I've imagined living,
I ache to persuade you.   (Still not the most solid piece of work, but again, prompts are not meant to act as the "be all, end all." Prompts are just another way to get "into" a poem and begin building one). 

Day 3, 7/15/15, afternoon session

At the end of our morning session, and a bit into our afternoon session, we had some time to write. We were supposed to take one or more of the lines from the fruit/vegetable exercise and incorporate them into a poem.

My mind was completely blank and, much like most of us do when we feel blank-minded, I turned to my phone for some respite. I noticed a fascinating Facebook post that featured an article from the website, mentalfloss. The article was (phenomenally) titled "Making Out Isn't As Popular As You Think It Is." It basically detailed romantic/sexual kisses in Western culture vs other cultures. 

This particular paragraph caught my interest:

From that paragraph, my "writer's block" became cured. I started writing a poem about a tribesman who comes to the U.S. and is unaccustomed to seeing women who cover their bodies.  The other person in the poem is a woman who is used to the "game" of dating--- being wined, dined, and having "requisite kisses" at evening's end. I ended the poem by having the woman kiss the tribesman, whereupon he screams. 

I was able to incorporate Melissa's line of "broken roots without a home" into my piece.

The poem is still very much a work under construction, but this is the first stanza: 

We spent a large portion of the afternoon listening and critiquing each other's pieces. We read/listened to Svea's "Since You Asked," a poem written after we had read Billy Collins' "Litany." Frankly, I liked Svea's poem better than Collins'. We also listened to one of John's poems and a poem by Melissa. Although I knew it was a very rough draft, I shared my poem about the tribesman. 

One of the comments I received was that the readers did not know exactly where the poem was taking place. In my mind, I perceived the tribesman as being in the U.S. For revision, I have to make the setting clearer. Honestly, I wanted to turn the piece into something quite ridiculous. I'm thinking that the setting might be in a mall food court. Another comment I got was connected to my usage of the line "pillage, penetrate, and leave" in relation to the tribesman's experiences in life.  I knew those were not the best words when I wrote the piece. They're loaded words that bring have a definite negative, horrific connotation with them. The tribesman poem is nowhere near being completed, but I welcomed the valuable feedback that I received and will definitely be revising the poem in the future. 

Prompts-- I love 'em and hate 'em

Okay---so this is supposed to be a reflection from day one, but it ended up a bit out of order. Anyway.....

Writing prompts work well because one can never utter, "I don't know what to write about." Prompts give guidance, like an adult holding a child's hand while walking across the street.

I immediately knew that prompts two and three did not appeal to me, which often also means "too challenging." If I really forced myself, I know that I could have written to one of those prompts and probably written something decent (if you can do something "decent" for a first draft, you've gotten a good start).

I chose to use Edwin Brock's poem as a springboard for my own.

Brock's poem---

My poem: "Five Ways of Irritating the Neighbors" (draft one)

Day 3, 7/15/15, morning session

On this morning, we looked at two poems: "Talking to an Identical" by Taylor Mali and an excerpt from Wallace Stevens' "Someone Puts a Pineapple Together." We also came into class and were greeted by this colorful scene.

Stevens' poem describes a pineapple with such lines as "...It has a hundred eyes" and "The sea is sprouting upward out of rocks." Cat told us to look at and touch the various fruits and vegetables on table. We then were to create short snippets. The idea is to just get the mind thinking in different directions and to come up with metaphors/phrasings that normally might not "just appear" in one's mind. Some of the phrases might end up in a poem and some of them might end up being nothing, but the exercise pushes your mind.

Here were some of my musings:

coconut- stubble on a man's face that I touch and soothe after a long day of labor

ginger- misshaped fingers of a man in a freakshow

carrot- spear that I brandish in the air as I conquer the world

dragonfruit- used sheets of sandpaper laying across a worktable, waiting to be used again

eggplant- body of a fertility goddess

We later went around the table and everyone read from their lists. We were supposed to take note of lines that appealed to us, for use in a later poem. I took note of "fat man's thumb" and "broken roots without home."

During the morning, we also listened to/critiqued ("green roomed") Mary's poem, "Hansel and Gretel." Cat talked about nonceforms; this is basically when a poet uses a new form/pattern one time for a particular poem. A more elaborate definition can be found here: 

http://www.unsplendid.com/noncedef.htm 

day 2, 7/14, afternoon session

The afternoon session is tough to get through. I blame this on the delicious, but carbohydrate-laden Panera lunches.

In the afternoon, we read Charles Bukowski's "Ask," as well as a poem written in chronological format. We critiqued Mary's cat poem (a poem written from the viewpoint of her cat, Tony) and Svea's autobiography/chapters poem. We also read Galway Kinnell's "Hide and Seek" and were given the option of writing in response to Kinnell's poem.  As a group, we brainstormed various traditional children's games too.

Here's Kinnell's poem.

Here's my first draft. I'm sure that Galway Kinnell would appreciate that his poem inspired me to write a poem about Seven Minutes in Heaven (which also features an introductory stanza with Jordan Knight from NKOTB).

 

John's poem and what I love about aTi

What I love about aTi is that there's such a wide range of people and talents. Our group is interesting in that each person has his/her own writing style and while all of our poems are very different, they are all spectacular. I realize that sounds a bit hokey to say, but I feel that it's true.

We also did the "green room" critique of John's poem on day two. John's poetry is so incredibly different than mine. Even if I aspired to write like someone else in the group, it wouldn't be able to happen. We all bring different experiences (both writing experiences and life experiences) to the proverbial table. We can, however, fully appreciate each individual's skills as a writer.

This is John's poem:

While I was clueless as to how to use the line "Ok, partner, this is it," John easily (or so it seems) weaved the word into the beginning of his poem. He also used the Sappho quote too. I love the eerieness of the poem (graveyard behind the casino) and the little details (purple chair) that really make the piece.

Sometimes we say, "I wish I had written that!" In reality, we need to be the best writers that we can be while also appreciating the gifts and uniqueness of others.

Day 2, 7/14, morning sessions

We started out the morning by reading several poems: "Gone Ladies" by Christopher Logue, "Naming My Daughter" by Patricia Fargnoli, "Litany" by Billy Collins, and "Self-Portrait" by Sue Standing. While all four poems were vastly different, we agreed that they all featured their own types of repetition. Additionally, each poem featured the theme of identity.

Our goal for the morning was to use of one of those poems as a springboard for a poem of our own. Another option was that we could write our own autobiography by using 10 chapter titles and descriptions. The group dynamic is interesting. Some of us are the A+ students who take Cat's directions and follow them to heart. I guess I am the C student; I take the prompt directions, but sometimes deviate from them. I figure that the point of the aTi sessions is to develop our craft by whatever means possible. Sometimes the prompts work for me, but when they don't, I depart from them.

Shown below are my two drafts. The first draft really shows what happens when someone writes. Words get crossed out, then added back in, and then crossed out (case in point: my line about "You don't worry..." --- I was quite undecided between the words cancer, pain, time, and death). In the last stanza, I changed the word "concern" to "remorse," being that remorse is definitely a stronger, more calculated emotion. One of my stanzas is also boxed-- a signal to me to move it later in the poem.

Shown below is draft #2, typed. There are small changes, but they are there (I changed "because you will use all of it" to "because nothing will go waste." I'm looking forward to sharing this with the group and getting more feedback.

The remainder of the morning was spent critiquing John's poem and my poem ("Five Ways to Irritate My Neighbors"). In terms of feedback, the group said that the poem features so many colors, but when I describe the wrought-iron animals, I just say that they are "colorful." Instead, I should go back and decide on color words to use. This is a small editing suggestion, but one that will definitely add to the piece. The line "mosaic of imbibed enjoyment" was abstract (which I definitely kind of felt anyway), so I'm going to get rid of it. Another line, "in contrast with theirs," is not really necessary to say, so I'm going to get rid of that too. The thing with poetry is that, especially with smaller pieces, there are not necessarily gigantic revisions, but the revisions that occur do make all of the difference.

"The Green Room," critiquing Cat Doty style

During the afternoon, we had another prompt to attempt. We had to write how-to directions for a task or give instructions on how something happens.

As a writer, I struggle with finding my voice. While I appreciate descriptive writing, whenever I attempt it, it feels forced. I'm rarely satisfied with the results either. I consider myself a sarcastic individual, but I can rarely get humor into my writing.

This is the draft that I came up with (this is actually the second draft, although the changes between the first and second draft are minimal). I actually think it captures my voice pretty well:)



During the afternoon session, Cat had us do the "green room" critique technique. This consists of having the poet's work read twice (generally once by the poet and then by someone else). Then, for 15 minutes, the poet is in the imaginary "green room." The rest of the group discusses the poem (likes/dislikes for lack of better words, questions/confusions, suggestions for revision). After 15 minutes, the poet is allowed out of the "green room" and can converse with the rest of the group.

I find the "green room" technique to be helpful. It's interesting to listen to your readers discuss your poem and not be able to immediately jump in and say, "Oh, what I meant is..."

I really liked what I shared with the group because I thought it showed my personality. Sometimes, when I'm writing in a group, I feel censored. I didn't feel censored or uncomfortable at all, which says a lot about our group dynamic on day #1.

Day 1, 7/13/15

This is my fourth year at aTi and my third year of completing the poetry sessions. This year, the session is once again being led by Cat Doty. I took aTi sessions with Cat last year too. I appreciated the open environment that she created.

Our group consists of six people: Svea (I met her last year--she is a high school teacher), Mary (another high school teacher and also Svea's colleague), John (an intriguing poet who owns a Staten Island house that is also a historical landmark), Mary (a music teacher who also has known John since 2004), and Melissa (a third grade teacher). Most of us have previous experience with writing, but Melissa is new to the genre of poetry. What I like most about aTi is that the organization encourages people to break free from their general disciplines. While many of the aTi participants are either art or writing teachers, it is always fascinating to have people who teach other disciplines/grade levels too.

We started off the morning by reading several poems that Cat gave us. Some of the poems were ones many of us knew well ("Did I Miss Anything?") and others were completely new to some or all of us.

One of the topics of discussion that came up was titles. I know that when I was younger, I used to put little effort into my poems' titles. The titles would generally be short, 1-2 word phrases. I could easily see myself having poems with titles like "Cornfield," "Broken Heart," or "Loneliness." We discussed how the poem could easily get the poem started and could basically get it "running." For instance, in Tom Wayman's poem, he could have started the first few lines by describing a scenario of a student asking if he/she missed anything from the previous class. Instead, Wayman titles the poem "Did I Miss Anything?" and then begins the poem with the first response: "Nothing..."

A title seems like a small thing, but when you think about it, titles are extremely important. People judge books by covers, but they equally judge books (and poems too) by titles.

We also spent a substantial amount of time on two list-style poems, "In the Basket Marty Brought to the Hospital After the Cesarean" by Thorpe Moeckel and "What's In My Journal," by William Stafford. While both poems were similar in that they were written in list form, we spoke about the differences between the two. The Stafford poem left me, as a reader, thinking. There were lines that confused me and were, dare I say, enigmatic. The Moeckel poem simply irritated me. I've concluded that a headache after reading a poem is one of two things: 1] completely negative because the poem has annoyed you or 2] completely positive, although frustrating, because the poem has gotten you to think.

At the end of the morning, Cat sent us off with a few prompts. We could use Edwin Brock's "Five Ways to Kill a Man" as a springboard for a "Five Ways..." poem of our own. We could incorporate the line "Okay, partner, this is it" into a poem. We could also attempt to use a fragment from Sappho in one of our pieces: "I would not think to touch the sky with two arms."

Off we went to write...