Day 2, 7/14, morning sessions

We started out the morning by reading several poems: "Gone Ladies" by Christopher Logue, "Naming My Daughter" by Patricia Fargnoli, "Litany" by Billy Collins, and "Self-Portrait" by Sue Standing. While all four poems were vastly different, we agreed that they all featured their own types of repetition. Additionally, each poem featured the theme of identity.

Our goal for the morning was to use of one of those poems as a springboard for a poem of our own. Another option was that we could write our own autobiography by using 10 chapter titles and descriptions. The group dynamic is interesting. Some of us are the A+ students who take Cat's directions and follow them to heart. I guess I am the C student; I take the prompt directions, but sometimes deviate from them. I figure that the point of the aTi sessions is to develop our craft by whatever means possible. Sometimes the prompts work for me, but when they don't, I depart from them.

Shown below are my two drafts. The first draft really shows what happens when someone writes. Words get crossed out, then added back in, and then crossed out (case in point: my line about "You don't worry..." --- I was quite undecided between the words cancer, pain, time, and death). In the last stanza, I changed the word "concern" to "remorse," being that remorse is definitely a stronger, more calculated emotion. One of my stanzas is also boxed-- a signal to me to move it later in the poem.

Shown below is draft #2, typed. There are small changes, but they are there (I changed "because you will use all of it" to "because nothing will go waste." I'm looking forward to sharing this with the group and getting more feedback.

The remainder of the morning was spent critiquing John's poem and my poem ("Five Ways to Irritate My Neighbors"). In terms of feedback, the group said that the poem features so many colors, but when I describe the wrought-iron animals, I just say that they are "colorful." Instead, I should go back and decide on color words to use. This is a small editing suggestion, but one that will definitely add to the piece. The line "mosaic of imbibed enjoyment" was abstract (which I definitely kind of felt anyway), so I'm going to get rid of it. Another line, "in contrast with theirs," is not really necessary to say, so I'm going to get rid of that too. The thing with poetry is that, especially with smaller pieces, there are not necessarily gigantic revisions, but the revisions that occur do make all of the difference.