Day 3, 7/15/15, afternoon session

At the end of our morning session, and a bit into our afternoon session, we had some time to write. We were supposed to take one or more of the lines from the fruit/vegetable exercise and incorporate them into a poem.

My mind was completely blank and, much like most of us do when we feel blank-minded, I turned to my phone for some respite. I noticed a fascinating Facebook post that featured an article from the website, mentalfloss. The article was (phenomenally) titled "Making Out Isn't As Popular As You Think It Is." It basically detailed romantic/sexual kisses in Western culture vs other cultures. 

This particular paragraph caught my interest:

From that paragraph, my "writer's block" became cured. I started writing a poem about a tribesman who comes to the U.S. and is unaccustomed to seeing women who cover their bodies.  The other person in the poem is a woman who is used to the "game" of dating--- being wined, dined, and having "requisite kisses" at evening's end. I ended the poem by having the woman kiss the tribesman, whereupon he screams. 

I was able to incorporate Melissa's line of "broken roots without a home" into my piece.

The poem is still very much a work under construction, but this is the first stanza: 

We spent a large portion of the afternoon listening and critiquing each other's pieces. We read/listened to Svea's "Since You Asked," a poem written after we had read Billy Collins' "Litany." Frankly, I liked Svea's poem better than Collins'. We also listened to one of John's poems and a poem by Melissa. Although I knew it was a very rough draft, I shared my poem about the tribesman. 

One of the comments I received was that the readers did not know exactly where the poem was taking place. In my mind, I perceived the tribesman as being in the U.S. For revision, I have to make the setting clearer. Honestly, I wanted to turn the piece into something quite ridiculous. I'm thinking that the setting might be in a mall food court. Another comment I got was connected to my usage of the line "pillage, penetrate, and leave" in relation to the tribesman's experiences in life.  I knew those were not the best words when I wrote the piece. They're loaded words that bring have a definite negative, horrific connotation with them. The tribesman poem is nowhere near being completed, but I welcomed the valuable feedback that I received and will definitely be revising the poem in the future.