Drafts and Critique

On day 2, I wrote a poem draft; I didn't share it until day four. My original draft featured the ending lines of "You do not love, admire, or caress./ You exist." I had trouble coming up with an ending and use these bullshit, cliched lines to end the poem----even though I knew they were bullshit, cliched lines. I always struggle with endings in my poetry. In the final draft, you can see that the group's critique helped me end the poem--I just got rid of those last two lines. No need to replace them; without them, the poem ends on a stronger note.

I also struggle with titles. Years ago, I thought that titles did not really matter. Your poem was what really mattered. I would create lame one word titles like "Storm" or "Broken." Through my workshop time at aTi, I have realized that a title can immediately engage your reader. Some poets even use their titles as gateways for the poem's opening lines. The group had asked me what I wanted to title the poem. I had no clue. Someone asked me. "Well, who is it about?" I replied, "Someone I Know." Bam! There was a title.

In retrospect, I do think that Cat's giant list of first lines also sparked my interest in writing this particular poem. I decided to use Ellen Dore Watson's "I want things whole, but I love things broken" as an epigraph for my piece.

Shown below are drafts 1, 2, and 3.